


That Don't Impress Me Much

by Slightly_irish_dragon



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/F, Funny, Gen, Go on read it you know you want to, May is a BAMF, May/Skye forever, Ok so this is probably the only good thing I've written so please give it a read., Other, Well I hope it is, why are they not cannon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4406033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slightly_irish_dragon/pseuds/Slightly_irish_dragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head for so long that it starts to like, impact how you look at the world around you? Like you begin to look at the world through the lens of the song. No? Huh, maybe its just a me thing. Don't get me wrong it doesn't happen very often, but when it does its definitely memorable. Once when I was 18, I somehow managed to get Justin Bieber's baby stuck in my head for like a whole week. (I totally blame this coffee place I went to. I swear by Black Widows thong that I will never go back.) By day four I was calling everyone I spoke to baby and by day six I was ready to drive my van into oncoming traffic just to make it stop.</p><p>Skye has a song stuck in her head when she meets the team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Don't Impress Me Much

**Author's Note:**

> yay you clicked on my thing (happy dance)

 

Have you ever gotten a song stuck in your head for so long that it starts to like, impact how you look at the world around you? Like you begin to look at the world through the lens of the song. No? Huh, maybe its just a me thing. Don't get me wrong it doesn't happen very often, but when it does its definitely memorable. Once when I was 18 I somehow managed to get Justin Bieber's baby stuck in my head for like a whole week. (I totally blame this coffee place I went to. I swear by Black Widows thong that I will never go back.) By day four I was calling everyone I spoke to baby and by day six I was ready to drive my van into oncoming traffic just to make it stop.

 

So here I am getting kidnapped by a super secret government agency, bag shoved over my head, pulled out of my van and dumped in the back of a different van (ugh), driven around in said van for an unnecessary amount of time, (seriously, my sense of direction is naff as soon as they turned to second corner I was lost) then frog marched into an interrogation room and the whole time instead of being scared I was singing along to That Don't Impress Me Much by Shania Twain in my head. Don't get me wrong I was scared really really scared, (they had guns, real bullet firing guns) but when you’re raised in an orphanage and then by a succession of progressively bad foster parents you learn quickly how not to show fear (I am the queen of false bravo).So I was sitting in the super intimidating, interrogation room with one super intimidating Mr Agent Grant Ward and all I could think of was how much of a cliché super secret agent he was.

 

I never knew a guy who carried a mirror in his pocket

And a comb up his sleeve-just in case

And all that extra hold gel in your hair oughtta lock it

'Cause Heaven forbid it should fall outta place

 

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

 

Okay, so you're Brad Pitt

That don't impress me much

So you got the looks but have you got the touch

Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright

But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

That don't impress me much

 

Black suit and tie, gun 'hidden' oh so obviously under his blazer and hair slicked back with o.c.d precision, not a single hair out of place. Yeah, that don't impress me much.

 

I met Fitsimmons next (when they finally let me out of interrogation.) I'm almost positive they used to be one person and in some bizarre experiment gone wrong they were split in two, or maybe they were twins who were separated at birth, or maybe they're platonic soulmates, (the idea of them having sex is just somehow wrong) whatever it is it's so much fun to watch them work. Whole conversations go by in a look and when they do speak they finish each others sentences more often then not.

 

They're incredibly smart though, I'm not lacking in the brains department (hacked into one of, if not the most secure super secret government agency’s. Thank you very much.) but these two make me look (and feel) like a second grader in a university class. Bloody rocket scientists.

 

I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart

But you've got being right down to an art

You think you're a genius-you drive me up the wall

You're a regular original, a know-it-all

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

 

Okay, so you're a rocket scientist

That don't impress me much

So you got the brain but have you got the touch

Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright

But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

That don't impress me much

 

Ok so technically I meet Colson first but no one really knows Colson until they’ve been in his office. The man is the biggest Avengers nerd of all time. I pretty sure that he would marry Captain America if he could and don't get me started on his Hawkeye boxers (Ugh I need eye soap, or a brain wipe, or something.) The man is a bona-fide fangirl and you'll never convince me otherwise. Avengers aside Colson has one and only one true love. And who is the lucky lady you ask, why Lola of course. Lola is a fully restored 1962 Chevrolet Corvette with modifications based on designs and technologies developed by Howard Stark, Lola is flight capable (VTOL) and equipped with flamethrowers and the world's first GPS system. (he informed me of all this, and even let me sit in the car. I feel rather privileged.) She's as much a part of the team as Ward, Fitsimmons or May, and Colson loves her very much. (I have seen him kissing that damn car with my own two eye.)

 

You're one of those guys who likes to shine his machine

You make me take off my shoes before you let me get in

I can't believe you kiss your car good night

C'mon baby tell me-you must be jokin', right!

 

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're special

Oh-oo-oh, you think you're something else

 

Okay, so you've got a car

That don't impress me much

So you got the moves but have you got the touch

Don't get me wrong, yeah I think you're alright

But that won't keep me warm in the middle of the night

 

And then there's Agent Melinda May, better known as The Cavalry (Call her that to her face at your own risk, or hell anywhere within hearing range, or at all. You have been warned.) At first May was just the super intimidating (incredibly attractive) pilot, until one day the whole team was out on a mission and we were getting our asses kicked. I mean ever single one of us was pinned down, the science baby’s (don't judge the nickname you haven’t met them, they are adorable but if you left them to there own devices they would forget to eat, sleep everything but science.) were doing there best to help but there’s not a lot science can do against guns. Even super Mr super agent Grant Ward couldn't get a shot off. We were, to put it simply, completely and utterly screwed. I’ve never seen AC face so grim, that's what had me the most worried, if he couldn't think of a way out we weren't getting out. So I sat there hiding behind a dumpster just waiting to be shot when I hear a cut off scream, at first I thought one of the team was down. In a rush of moronic heroics I dive out from behind my dumpster, gun in hand, and instead of getting pumped full of bullets I got to witness the phenomenon that is Agent May. She moved like a shadow from gunman to gunman, cutting them down before they even new she was there. She had no weapon, no she took down six men armed with guns, single handedly with nothing but her hands. And suddenly the team was safe and they were all standing around slapping each other on the back, like yay we're alive and May just stands off to the side like she didn't just save all our lives, and no ones really paying attention to her and I just......

 

“Ok now that, impresses me much.” And now everyone’s looking at me like I've lost my freaking mind. “Ah, I said that out loud, didn't I?” and everyone’s laughing at me but that's ok because I saw the tiny smile May sent my way, and by Thor she's beautiful when she smiles.

 

 

Oh and in case you're wondering, she is _very_ good at keeping me warm in the middle of the night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. please leave a comment and/or Kudos if you liked it.


End file.
